My pathetic boring life

12:20pm: Well,...
I had sooo much fun last night, I had to work but it was a blast. I worked next to a kid Joe and we talked forever. THen Sars cam over and they were flirting and I had Sars stalk me but it was fun. Joe and I had a tip competition. I won! but only cause someone stole his tips. I snuck into the stadium after and had a blast, I forgot how much fun it can be. THen Sars was making fun of me... saying how the party will be crazt Sunday. And then we started talking about cooking Steve on a spit cause he's so hot and I told her we could get squirrels to turn it. Liek a gerbil wheel, they can just run on it. Ha,and yeah, well more later...

10:04am: It's been a mystery and still they try to see
Why somethin' good can hurt so bad
Caught on a one-way street, the taste of bittersweet
Love will survive somehow, some way
One love feeds the fire
One heart burns desire
I wonder, who's cryin' now
Two hearts born to run
Who'll be the lonely one
I wonder, who's cryin' now
So many stormy nights, so many wrongs or rights
Neither could change their headstrong ways
And in a lover's rage, they tore another page
The fightin' is worth the love they save...
Only so many tears you can cry
'Til the heartache is over
And now you can say your love
Will never die

10:01am: THis tells a lot

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

If anyone reads this let me know if you think it's true. just post a comment.

7:29pm: My friends drive me up a wall
Well, today I was "stood up" by Alex. W ehad planned to do something and I was couinting on it. Because if we didn't go throuigh with the plans I'd be alone downtown all day. Well, needless to say Alex cancelled last minute. So I hung out downtown al day alone. I have a feeling Maggie will stand me up tomorrow. (We're going to the mall) Hopefully thet'll go well. ha, just thinking, mostly guys are going to my party Sunday. Dan, Scott, Steve and Melissa, and Alex. I'm out numbered. It should be ufn though. I have a feeling all my friends won't get along. They'll all take sides.
Well, I gotta go, Ashley wants me to go out side w/ her and kate and her little friend

11:02am: Aaaahhh.. I set off WW III at my house.It all stared when I waved @ Stephen instead of saying Hi and then he old Joyce and grrr....
HE drives me up a wall. He's so lazy. Dad asked hijm to fix the hose and he screwed it up so dad asked him to help fix it and he wouldn't. THen he goes and brags bout how he has job that pays more than me... and he brags howhe takes drivers ed and how he has sooo many friends.... well, more later, he jutst walked in

9:49am: Well, I was sick with Epstiene Barr virus since Tuesday which basically meant I couldn't even swallow my own saliva never mind talk, eat or drink. So our camping trip was cancelled unless a "miracle" happened. Our initial plan was to leave Friday morning pack Thursday night. Last minute (Friday morning 10 am), I spoke so mom claimed it was a "Miracle" and we packed and left by 11 am. It was a 6 hour car drive which was not fun because imagine us four all squished in a SUV with lots and I mean lots of junk. We finally got there around 6 pm after a few stops for food and stuff. We unpacked and set up (may I add we were in the middle of nowhere (ever heard of Jackman, Maine?). So then we had dinner (steak) which I couldn't eat and I went to bed because I was tired.
The next morning we got up at 5 am and ate and left around 6am to go rafting which was supposed to leave at 8am. Never the less mapquest sucks. It told us it'd take 1.5 hours to get there. We still weren't there at 8:15. So, we finally got there at 9am where we were greeted by an incredibly cute guy with a video camera recording our every move. So, we followed his directions got out of the car and ran to get our life jackets and paddles and helmets. Since we were late we didn't have to take the hot bus with the normal people. We got to take the AC van! With the video guy. Then he interviewed each one of us and we took off. We arrived at the rapids around 10 and by 11 we were out on the water. It was a 13 mile river which isn't too bad. I've done longer. The rapids were 2's and 3's which are ok. Mostly boring stuff (I've never done a five which is the highest in NE but 4's are fun). They were all within the first 6 miles of the river so the ride back was boring. We had this Russian tour group who couldn't speak much English next to us and they kept on yelling at Greg. It was kinda funny because he didn't know what they were saying.
We had lunch when we got back and watched the movie then headed back. Then I took Kate swimming in a lake at the campsite where we stayed for 2 hours until I got attacked by a swing chain (which hurt a lot). Then we made dinner had smores! and slept. We packed up Sunday morning when my mom and Greg and everyone broke out into a family fued, so I packed while everyone fought and we headed out and of course there was a lot and I mean a lot of traffic. We stopped in Kennebunkport hoping ot see Mr. Rogers but we weren't sucessful. We got home around 8 and I slept even more. This virus makes you very tired. Then I woke up this morning checked my e-mail and regular mail and am now trying to find out who's coming to the party because so far the RSVP date is today and we have four people coming total out of the 70 invited. This should be interesting. Well, more later. Peace

11:34am: "I been lookin' for a trace
Lookin' for a heart
Lookin' for a lover in a world
that's much too dark
You don't want my love
You want satisfaction
You don't need my love
You gotta find yourself another
Piece of the action, yeah"

"Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(patience)
Mm, yeah

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it


...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need

I BEEN WALKIN' THE STREETS AT NIGHT
JUST TRYIN' TO GET IT RIGHT
HARD TO SEE WITH SO MANY AROUND
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE
BEING STUCK IN THE CROWD
AND THE STREETS DON'T CHANGE
BUT BABY THE NAME
I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THE GAME
'CAUSE I NEED YOU
YEAH, YEAH, BUT I NEED YOU
OO, I NEED YOU
WHOA, I NEED YOU
OO, ALL THIS TIME "

11:33am: " We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did the words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and
easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here somehow
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn."

11:32am: "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axl Rose (Guns'n'Roses)

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music". - George Carlin
""Ninety percent of the game is half mental." --Jim Wohford

I'd love to be a pop idol. Of course, my groupies are now between 40 and 50."- Kevin Bacon
"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing." -- Jessica Alba
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
--Walt Disney
If you're going through hell, keep going. --Walt Disney
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul.
-- Marilyn Monroe

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
--Jimi Hendrix, Rolling Stone, December 2, 1976

If I hadn't been a woman, I'd have been a drag queen.
- - Dolly Parton
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
- - -Zsa Zsa Gabor
Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Rachel Welch to the back of a bus. .
- - Boy George

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
- Bob Dylan, Subterranean Homesick Blues

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983

11:31am: Innocence

So young, and so innocent, it was a shame to watch him go.

How I wish he never left home that dreadful night.

I watched in astonishment as I saw the building burn, the death toll jumped each hour and day.

Glued to the news I watched for his name hoping, wishing, and pleading that I would find his name amongst the list of survivors.

My extraneous searches came up empty.

So young so innocent it was hard to watch him go.

For those who knew him, feelings of fear, resentment, anger, sadness guilt, and sorrow overcame there now lonely souls.

I close my eyes and no longer see my “forgotten bliss�, visions of fire, the smell of flesh burning, memories, they all come out to haunt me they anguish and yearn inside.

No matter how hard I try, those flames are rapidly approaching for my soul and they won’t extinguish or die.

If given the opportunity to travel back in time I would have acted a lot differently, told him I loved him and held him in my arms.

So young and so innocent, eighteen years old, a life ahead of him, caring, nurturing, loving soul, who could always make you smile.

Now all that I have left are memories, memories of us.

Some good, some bad.

Why him, why?

So young and so innocent, why did I have to see him go?

10:26am: Well, last night with Alex was okay I guess. He's nice but not much of a gentleman. The movie was funny in some parts. I thought some of it was crude humor but that's my opinion. I got back and Stephen was gone, he went to the same movie theatre a few hours later to see that movie(can't remember the name)He got back around 11:30 and grrr... He complains in the morning when Kate is a little loud while he's sleeping but when she's sleeping at midnight and he's making a racket and gets mad when we yell at him. Then he can be a bitch to me but I get in trouble. I don't understand that at all.
Well in other news I talked to Scott and Steve last night and explained the whole Jessie thing to them. Steve's great, he kept on telling me it wasn't my fault and not to give up. Scott on the other hand helped too. He offered to hang out today and he gave me virtual hugs. Then I approached witht he story to Alex and I got a response of "o". Why can't I combine and make a perfect guy?
Scott's goofiness, Steve's brains, Maxx's funniness, Alex's love of theater, and Scott's love of making movies, with Steve's body. Ha, that'd work. But I'm not complaining, I'm happy with what I've got. There is no "perfect guy". If there was it wouldn't be fun that way, no fights to overcome or anything.
Back on to other news, I called Maggie yesterday and her sister told me she's in Maryland. Since when does she not tell me this, this is a big deal for her and she used to tell me everything. Now I know she's mad at me. Whatever, I tried. I need some new friends anyways, my old ones claim they're my friends and invite me to parties and stuff but they all turned they're backs on me when I moved. It's like they just invite me out of sympathy. Well, I should get to doing my chores, I want the mail right now, I need my schedule really soon.... By tomorrow, yay it's almost tomorrow which means fireworks game!!!!

2:20pm: Boo Hoo
Well, I just got some lovely news, don't I always? I just got a letter from the company that helps me with Jessie, he and his family ran away with no trace and they've been trying to trace them for a week and no luck. They said"don't worry maybe we'll find him but we're gonna stop after a few weeks". So, I lost my "kid". I am soooo depressed now. I've been upset all afternoon. Four years of being this kid's "mother" and paying for his school and stuff and he leaves, just leaves picks up and leaves. No good byes or anything. I assume it most have been for a good reason but it hurts. Makes me feel as our friendship just meant nothing. Four years of letters and phone calls once in a while. He really looked to me as a mother and him as my kid and it's all gone. I really hope they find him. ALready they sent me a repalacement. I'll probably take him up.But, you can't replace a love. THe new kid is named Rafael and he to is from the Philipines. He's five and doesn't go to school yet. He's three foot four inches which is tiny. But, he's adorable. I don't think he can write yet which won't be very helpful but I'm gonna try to write in what Filipino I know. He basically lives near Jessie did in the same kind of house. One room no beds or running water or electricity. Two siblings 1 and 3. Parents are young and don't make much. Hopefully they find him. Please pray.IF anyone has any suggestions or ideas or words make comments. I need them.

10:22am:

What Inuyasha Villain Are You?

10:04am: Top o the morning to ya
Well, I just got back from bringing Kate to camp. SHe was being herself. It's a two mile bike ride and I have to ride both ways twice a day. It's not too bad but when it's hot it is. Well, my Salem trip was interesting, I was sick the whole time. I slept for hours. When we got there it was 8pm so we went to Lissa's graudation and afterwards went back to her house where Kate and I were staying where she had a party. I felt so sick so I slept evenmore. Then I woke up around 10 and ate food then when everyone left around two I went back to bed and slept even more and then we drove back and we got home around 5. That was boring oh yeah we met a boy named Sue.
Then Sunday Ashley invited us to go swiming in her pool but I was still sick so I didn't, Kate did. Greg and I did errands and got ready for camping in Maine this weekend. I dob't want to go. I'm excited about the white water rafting (maybe I won't fall out this time) but it's gonna be hot and I just want to stay home and go to Dan's concert and see Better than Ezra. How come everything happens when we go away? Not fair. Well, Josh signed on, and maybe I can bother him. Maybe not he signed off. I'm bored.
Going out with Alex tonight. Seeing Bruce Almighty I think. Update on that later.
I've come to the conclusion where I think I have too many guys in my life (not romantically) but too many guy friends. I don't talk to any of my girlfriends anymore. It's not like I have feelings for any of them except one but it's kinda weird. I don't know.
Well, I;m going ot call Sars and tell her to let me into her guild so I can screw around with her HTML.
Lata

9:42am:

What Anime Stereotype Are You?

9:39am: My Anime boyfriend


Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

9:12am: Beer for my horses
Well a man come on the 6 o'clock news
Said somebody's been shot, somebody's been abused
Somebody blew up a building
Somebody stole a car
Somebody got away
Somebody didn't get too far yeah
They didn't get too far

Grandpappy told my pappy, back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street for all the people to see that

Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we'll sing a victory tune
We'll all meet back at the local saloon
We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces
Singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses

We got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds
We've got too much corruption, too much crime in the streets
It's time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground
Send 'em all to their maker and he'll settle 'em down
You can bet he'll set 'em down 'cause

9:56pm: Tongue piercing
Well, the highlight of my day was when mom came home and randomely asked me if I got my tongue pierced. I told her yeah sure and she flipped lol. It was funny. What would possess me to do such a thing? Well, I would never do that. ANd my other highlight was riding to the high school which took 2 hours in 95 degree heat ahhh...never again, Well, Kate wants the coomp, more later

9:03am: Well, a simple doctors visit yesterday uncivers the fact that they think I have scoliosis and the removal of a what they think to be cancerous mole. (for those who actually read this don't spread the word just yet, waiting for test results)but, ahhh this is the week from hell so far. Why won't it end right now?

10:17am: grrrrr...
Well, to all those who told me I'd pass my driving test, you were wrong,i failed. stupid stupid, stupid. It's not fair, I'm a really good driver. So, there goes all of my plans for the summer, I'm now stuck home alone all day every day, can't get to work, can't get to my volunteer job either, mom and Greg are mad @ me now cause they have to drive me everywhere. Probably have t o quit McCoy cause I have no way to get there......
I hate this so much, it's not like I'm a bad diver either, i'm really good, and it's all due to that stupid curb that I barely hit...
so now I'm miserable, and now I have people who are dissapointed with me and I;m sitting here crying my eyes out, thinking of how much of a failure I am and how I let everyone down including my self, I need someone to talk to right now, I'mg onna wait to call Steve until I get a grip. And even if I do like he wanted me to I'll not be able ot control myself and grrr... I'm so sick of life

1:29pm: Ahhh...
Well, Kate has twof riends over and they left me all alone. I'm talking to Melissa on AIM. She seems pretty cool, Kate's in the woods with her friends, Hoep she doesn't get eaten by wild turkeys. LOL

10:46am:
Which 1980's Hair Band Are You?

10:04am: Good Morning!
I am officially out of school and am junior. Which makes most of my friends seniors which is sad:( I went to Kellye's party yesterday. I had an ok time. Wish Maggie was there to talk to. I kinda felt lonely and out of place. Except for that whole scenario with Alex, I have no clue what happened. I was so enitirely out of it. Sleep deprivation I guess. I think I've been screwing with his head. Not intentionally but I think I have. I think he thinks I like him. He's a great friend and I'd like to be closer but I don't know I think I'm just a normal teenager when it comes to friends and guys. Otherwise at the party it was fun. Corey changed a lot since I last saw him at Kellye's party last August. He dyed his hair blondish and got dreads and he pierced his eyebrow and hes so much cuter than before... Sorry Steve, lol. Well, my mom and Greg called during the party, they both were like I can't hear you. musics too loud, damn teenagers lol. Whatever, Kevin didn't recognize me. I felt unloved lol. Well, more later I guess. Alex just signed on and I need to clear this all up.

4:54pm: Never gonna be in movies
Except in a back row seat
Never gonna be the raving beauty
My momma thought I'd be
Never gonna write that novel
Never be a homecoming queen
Never gonna be a supermodel
On the cover of a magazine

But all these things don't matter in the light of things to come
'cause baby, you are my moon and I am your sun, oh!

You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me girl you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like a star.

Maybe I'm not the girl next door
Who waves at you and smiles
Maybe I'm not a centerfold
But don't I drive you wild
Baby, the way you see me
Is the way that it should be
Feelin' like I'm something special
Seven days a week

And the only thing that matters when the day is done
Is that you are my moon, and I am your sun, oh!
You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me girl, you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like
Everyday's my birthday
Every night's a dream
Oh, and when you kiss me
I melt just like ice cream.

Never gonna be a Charlie's Angel
Never gonna be a saint
But you love me for all I am
And everything I ain't

You make me feel like a star, oh baby
You say stay, baby stay
Just the way you are
And tell me girl, you're fine
And you will shine
Forever in my heart
That's why you, yeah you
You make me feel like a star.

You make me feel like a star
Shinin' bright in your eyes
And I'll always be your life
Shinin' bright in your eyes
And I'll always be your light
You make me feel like a star

1:02pm: Random inside jokes
Sara- "Do the tofu" Infamous last words "My friend will flash you if you sign my ball" " Dude?, yeah DUDE!" " If you like to talk to tomatoes.."
Tabby "Don't fall down the stairs"
Diana" I turn around to yell at Lizzie and she's lying on the floor" "Gupta, now tell me do they just fall over you?" "Baa"
Alex "Ride my bike, ride my bike" She doesn't have a name so we'll just call her Alex's Girlfriend"
Caitlyn and Amanda" awww.. why did you have to do that everytime I look at her I see the olm man in the balcony from the Muppets"
Hanna -"So, Akiko, what is your favorite Cabaret number?"
Akiko " Bobby's"
Hanna "So, you like the whole show equaly because, Lord knows, Bobby is in all of the show"
Akiko " That's good"
Hanna "well, some people, not mentioning any names, discriminate the fact that Bobby is the star when he doesn't even go to our school"
Akiko "Don't go there..."
Hannah G. "Long horn screw!!!"
Steve "Je t'aime et j'ai besoin de vous et je vous veux!"
Maggie " ok, who has the hot bread?"
Maxx "Why do you eat silica gel?" "ahhh...good old camp Buxton, thought I'd never get away from Kris and James" by the way my hockey puck thing is still under the porch. "How many idiots does it take to put up a volleyball net" "Notice how they buy the net and leave it for us to put up?" "Pop's ass cream" Speaks for itself lol
Scott "... and these two old guys got into a fight..."
If anyone can think of anymore let me know and i'll add them